Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
