I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Randomize
