the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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