Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
