Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
