watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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