im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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