He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
