Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I need to sanitize my soul.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
