we're chasing vodka with high fives
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
