dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
