he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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