saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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