This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
