I'm jealous of your bromance
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
