Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I booty called her while she was in labor.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
