You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
