i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
It was confusing and full of hummus
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
