my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
