I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
