Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
