Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
