I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
