i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize