I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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