remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
