Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
