We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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