Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
