omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
