If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
she told me i tasted like america
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
