i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
