half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
And then my night got REAL pukey
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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