so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I still have a little drunk in my system
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
