i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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