was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
