currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
