The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
