dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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