Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
