PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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