I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
