If i come over, it means nothing
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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