I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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