I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I think I sprained my soul last night
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
