you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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