My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
