omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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