i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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