She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
