He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
