I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize