That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
