We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
