Walk of Shame. In a state park.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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