Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Randomize
