The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
