I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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