Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
