I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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