Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
my shit smells like andre
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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