Actions speak louder than pants.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
did i just pee glitter
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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