$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
