New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
