a queef is a wish your heart makes.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
