it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
