This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize