Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
The power of my boobs compel you
Randomize