please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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