I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
