Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
