Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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