At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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