he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
