you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
