hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
