I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
